People!  Forget everything you know!

We have been deceived by minds of the most devious nature!

We all know the story of Robin Hood, right?  Robs from the rich, gives to the poor, lives in Sherwood Forest, loves Maid Marion, evil Prince John, Sherrif of Nottingham, all sound familiar?

But there is more to it than that!

It is actually a massive conspiracy that is part of an ancient advertising campaign!  And, worse still, it gives us evidence that not only is time travel possible, but that people have been using it to set into motion events solely in order to make a profit for themselves, at the expense of the timeline!

In short, people from the future have used time travel in order to go back in time to alter the past so that they can market their own brand of frozen chickens!

The secret is a subliminal message hidden deep within the Robin Hood story.

Nottingham.

This is an actual town in England, but the origins and history of this town are relatively obscure prior to the late thirteenth century, when the events told in the tales of Robin Hood are said to have taken place.  However, recent archaeological evidence suggests that the town was created with a name specifically chosen to suit the conspiracy, which, centuries later has paid off for the people involved.

The specially chosen name of Nottingham was designed to plant a subliminal message into the unconscious minds of people from the late twentieth century onwards in order to get them to boycott a certain brand of frozen chicken

NOT INGHAM.

Obviously, no one from the thirteenth century could have knowledge of brands of chicken seven hundred years in their future (much less knowledge about frozen food), thus we can only conclude that information on the future was passed back in time to them.

Or, more disturbingly, that people from our present day actually travelled back in time to create a town named Nottingham and then create the legend of Robin Hood to ensure that the town would become world famous.  On consideration, the legend seems designed from the start to be popular:  the main character is an underdog, fighting for justice in order to give the poor guy a break, despite the efforts of the cruel and greedy Prince John and Sherrif of Nottingham.

This leads us to ask several questions.

Was information about the present day passed into history, or did people from the present travel into the past?

If information was sent into the past, who received that information?

If people went into the past, did they come from our past or our future?

What other havoc has been caused by these interferences in the timeline?

Given that the information seems to have been used only in an attempt to make us avoid Ingham brand chicken (rather than encourage us to buy an alternate brand), were the responsible parties merely trying to create a boycott of Ingham brand chicken, or were they in fact working for a competitor company?

And if they were working for a competitor, which brand is it?  They have gone to great lengths to avoid identification.

And perhaps the most intriguing question of all...

How the hell can I have written so much utter bullshit?

The first in a series of mini mysteries set in the Harry Potter universe, following the adventures of Alastor Moody.  I'm putting these up here to help the people from the Riddle Thread at CoS Forums with one of the Moody Mysteries that will be appearing soon.

If you think you know the answer, please post it in a comment.

Biography from Leaonard Maltin's Movie Encyclopedia:

• Your next door neighbours can be from Tunisia, Israel, Indonesia, Japan, Zimbabwe, Iraq, Brazil, Spain, Malaysia...
• The community is so concerned over the fact that muslim women can't use public swimming pools because there are men present that they have female-only periods.
• The Greeks and Mexicans next door ask you over to have a barbeque.
• You don't actually use the words 'sheila' or 'shrimp'.
• You sleep with Aeroguard on.
• You're wearing a cap emblazoned with 'Get A Dog Up Ya.'
• You feel obliged to spread salty black stuff that looks like congealed motor oil on bread and actually grow to like it.
• You actively dislike Americans, but watch their TV, eat their food and worship their idols.
• You think Tall Poppy Syndrome is a national condition.
• Democracy means the freedom to draw caricatures of John Howard.
• Your idea of a lethal weapon is a slug gun.
• The closest you ever got to going overseas was your packet of 5 Days In Rio grundies.
• A posh meal = an all-you-can-eat buffet.
• The term "musical instrument" also extends to wobbly bits of ply-wood, hand saws, gum leafs and combs.
• Your most offensive curse also doubles as an exclamation of awe or amazement, like, "fark orf!"
• All of your internationally famous people don't live here.
• You think footballers dressing up in drag on TV is funny (but your son being gay isn't).
• You relish test cricket - the longest, slowest game in sport (and that's not even counting the replays). After all, what else gives you an excuse to sit on your arse for five days, watch TV and sink piss with your mates?
• You don't drink Fosters, but you let the world think you do.
• The only thing better than beating the Pohms at ANY sport is giving them shit for it.
• You love, adore and admire a particular team/sportstar/actor on a winning streak - until they lose. Then they're just crap and 'past it.'
• You can compress several words into one - ie 'g'day', 'd'reckn?' This allows for more space for profanities.
• You favour either Holden or Ford - or a souped-up WRX with new kit and a bootful of subwoofer.
• Driving down the main street/beach road playing bad techno is your idea of a perfect Saturday night / Sunday arvo.
• You make kooky films, sometimes about wayward road trips (across the outback preferably). Quite a few are crap.
• You know all the words to Khe Sahn but not the national anthem.
• Your nickname ends in 'a' or 'o'.
• You have a customised stubby holder.
• Your soap stars become pop singers and move to the UK.
• You've ever used the words - grouse, tops, ripper, choice, sick, rad, exo, ace, wicked, ballistic - to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you really mean it.
• Your cooking apron has plastic breasts on it.
• The "Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi oi oi!" chant has been a religious experience in the past.
• The blokes at the local gym think your weight training is an opportunity to ask you out on a date.
• The big national sporting events are men-only.
• Your politicians believe than sticking the prefix 'un' in front of your nationality is an effective way of making you sit down and shut up.
• Our mantras are 'fair go for all', 'mateship' and 'little Aussie battler' - but we still publicly condemn those with different viewpoints to us.
• The barbeque is a male-dominated arena. And the women do the salads.
• 'Fair go for all' excludes indigenous people.
• An eight-hour trip to go camping for the weekend isn't out of the question or excessive.
• You take pride in living in a tolerant multicultural society but firmly believe that all Poms and Kiwis are fair game.
• You insist on asking every celebrity who steps of an aircraft what they think of Australia. If the response is not overwhelmingly positive, they should be subjected to immediate public ridicule.
• The private lives of footy and cricket players become more important than local and national news stories.
• Slick pick-up lines like 'Wanna shag?' and 'Carn, show us yer tits' can constitute male-to-female conversation.
• You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.
• You realise you have no Bill of Rights.
• The first thing guaranteed to get eaten at parties is fairy bread.
• So that's the special ingredients that make up an Aussie - whatever your taste.
• You actually get these jokes.

Quote

Hahaha

 

First-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had now had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to the principal. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What do you have in your pants that I do not have in mine?"

The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question?

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?

Harry: "Pants"

Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Harry: "Coconut"

Ms. Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Harry: "Bubble gum"

 Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Harry: "Shake hands"

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong."

• At this rate, a year passes in one second.
• The oldest people are born, grow old and die in less than two minutes.
• Australia was settled as a convict settlment less than five minutes ago.
• An entire millenium passes in just over a quarter of an hour.
• Jesus (if he ever existed) lived only half an hour ago.
• Modern man first appeared just two days ago.
• Dinosaurs died out more than two years ago.
• The first reptiles appeared almost eleven years ago.
• Animals first emerged from the water in the form of amphibians almost twelve years ago.
• Plants appeared on land twelve and a half years ago.
• The first multi-celled animals appeared more then twenty one years ago.
• Eukaryotes (the first true plant and animal cells with a nucleus) appeared almost forty six years ago.
• The first bacteria (the first life on this planet) appeared one hundred and twenty years ago.
• The earth was formed almost one hundred and forty three years ago.
• The universe was formed four hundred and seventy five years ago.

So, you can see that a billion years passes very slowly. At this rate, it would take almost thirty two years for a billion years to pass.

Let's do a little thought experiment. Let's go back to the formation of the Earth and try different combinations of amino acids, let's see if we can get the right combination to make the DNA for a simple bacteria (remembering that the earliest bacteria had no organelles). From the formation of earth to the appearance of bacteria is about 700 million years. That's 255,500,000,000 days, or thereabouts. If we tried only one combination a day, we could still try more than 250 trillion combinations. And that's if we just tried one at a time. When we remember that amino acids were combining all over the planet,, many different combinations being tried at the same time, the number of possible combinations that can occur gets even higher. If it only occured in four places, the number of different combinations rises to one quadrillion (that's the next one after trillion). If it occured in only one hundred places around the world, the number of possible permutations rises to 25 quadrillion.

Now, given that the scale of these events are absolutely tiny (after all, a DNA strand is microscopic), the chances are that this could have taken place in one hundred different places in a small puddle. That's 25 quadrillion permutations in a small puddle in the time evolution allows us. When we multiply that by the sheer number of puddles that existed all around the world (and lets not forget the oceans as well) there are centillions of possible permutations that could have occured. (A centillion is 1 followed by 303 zeroes. It looks like this: 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

00000000000000000000000.) And that's if we only do one permutation a day at each location. Granted, some permutations would have been done more than once, but that in no way reduces the massive number of different combinations that would have been tried. So, even random chance indicates that somewhere, the right combination would have come about in that billion years that life had to get started.